we love in circles
round and round
till we exhaust
trying to make sense
but, it goes round…
we love in tangents
brief and concentrated
fleeting for but a moment
and off we go…
we love insequentially
no logic, to blame
we cannot do
“if, then, because”
are all lip service.
we love to grow exponentially
in and of ourselves
reaching towards infinity
learning
there is no maximum
nor minimum
we love.
1 corinthians 13:4
but things that make it less…
- soul caressing concrete.
- the convenience of a meyer lemon tree to pluck from when ripe.
- a girl gently pulling a boy close to her, putting him out of the way of a jogger’s path.
- a man in his 50s making sure his little boy is properly fed.
- a first experience of sitting on front stoop, looking up and watching planes take off amongst the stars, the twinkle of lights across the bay bridge and the soothing sounds of cars traveling through the freeways… the stillness in motion.
- handmade paper butterflies glued to chopsticks, held in a 15-month’s learning grip.
- texts that send digital droplets of inspiration.
- dads from the ghetto caring for their babies with joy.
- encouragement from shared stories, building confidence and self-strength.
- stopping to breathe, knowing love is surrounding me, just pause.
I love working around a kitchen. My office is literally a leg length away from bench that gives birth to bread and pastries. But on a day like this, there’s no time to eat.
When I eat, I like to sit down, even if it’s at my desk behind a laptop, searching for jobs on Craigslist or catching up on an email. Even when I am doing these tasks, I’m able to savor each bite of food. I am blessed to not eat food I do not like. My baon (packed lunch), are the remnants of the dinner I had before. I like to cook in this style because I don’t own a microwave. Pasta, vegetables, grains that I cook in the evening are always doubled to spill over for the next day’s lunch.
When I walk to the microwave at work to heat up my lunch, I wait patiently in anticipation. I always have a beverage, whether it be water from my bottle or a mug of tea.
Today was graduation, a day that my students celebrate the hard work they have endured over the past weeks. During these graduations, I cannot eat. I feel that I can’t enjoy the meal, the time is too precious to savor the way I like to consume my food. Instead, I chew up a few bites of macaroni and cheese and a spinach turnover just enough in my stomach as fuel for energy to emcee the program.
After the speeches, the applause, the hugs and the tears, the food is taken away into the kitchen to be wrapped and brought home as much anticipated leftovers to each of the students’ families.
I sit down with one of my students after everyone has gone home with their certificates of completion in hand. The student is a shy, soft-spoken emancipated foster youth who had survived brain cancer and is living on his own at a college dorm. We talk about his next steps after this program. I ask him about his family life. He asks, slowly, why am I asking such personal questions? I reply, everyone has a story and I wanted to know his story. He reveals to me the dynamics of his family and what led him to ultimately take this course: so he could finally cook for himself. His hesitation on revealing the details painted by the subtle strokes of hurt and wisdom beyond his years. He pushes out to me his container of “sweets”, tastes of what was on the table earlier during the graduation feast. I find a wedge of brownie, a brownie that another student will soon contribute to the world as his signature product. A brownie so flavorful, soaked in the heart of the beautiful soul that created it. The soul that quoted …man shall not live by bread alone…
Earlier that day, I am pulled to the side by another student. She tells me her classmate is sad because she doesn’t have any family coming to see her graduate that day. I ask her to come into my office to practice her speech. She tells me she was sad because all of the important people in her life are unable to make it today. She tells me (in her fluent Spanish and through my C+ college language comprehension) about her life before taking the class. She lived years stuck in her room, recuperating after a surgery to fix a valve in her heart. She stayed at home everyday, watching telenovelas, slowly dying each day after doctors had saved her life. I remember her demeanor at the interview when I first met her. I actually wondered if she was on drugs, or would be able to survive such a strenuous course like ours. She sits in front of me today, radiant and smiling through the pain of not having her family come see her graduate. Later, right before the program starts, a woman with two little boys come bouncing into the multi-purpose room. Her babysitter had brought her boys to see her graduate after all.
A few days ago, another student was unsure about graduating. But today, as he left the building, I gave him props and told him to stay out of trouble. He laughs genuinely, ‘fo sho, he tells me and I know that’s the truth. He has been having trouble with a couple of gangbangers he runs into every day taking the bus from school back to his home. Two days before graduation, he was mugged at the BART station and was jacked of his iPod by the same guys who have been harassing him. I called him on the day we carefully planned an alternate route and find that the guys still found him, punched his eye and grabbed his iPod. He tells me he didn’t want to go to school the next day, that it was embarrassing. I tell him, don’t let these punks take this away from you. He used to want to be one of them, instead, now he wants to throw his art up on cakes. On graduation day, his mom and dad hugs me tight.
Last week, I swap bread my students baked in exchange for cookbooks for our program from a friend:
I just got home and found it!! Wow! Tell your students that I have eaten some of the finest bread in the world, lived in Rome, traveled in France, and I’m Jewish, and that was the best Challah I have ever eaten and some of the best bread ever…as good as my moms. They have much to be proud of. Hope the books go to good use. Thanks so much Lizelle!
Today, the challah loaves were proudly displayed in baskets, bountiful and beautifully filled to the brim.
He comes to me with his youth advocate. She had been giving him a hard time about getting a job. I tell her, he had added depth to the class. I wonder if she’s ever been without parents, without support of family. He’s not a slacker, I have faith that he’s got it. I remember on days I’m in front of my computer, answering phone messages and correcting homework, hunched in my non-arogonomically correct chair. His face pops through the window, a brief dazzling smile. Immediate indoor sunshine.
Their stories extend throughout my heart, wraps around my existence and I feel heavy with the wonders of their lives. I am becoming a better person because of them. I’ve broken out of my shell, learned to be a listener, a disciplinarian, a nurturer, a person that doesn’t take shit but can separate bullshit from the shit they go through to survive.
Days like these I don’t care if I haven’t eaten all day because in the end, there’s some Amish Friendship bread starter that is given to me, along with a container of fish patties that one of my instructor finds left over on a bench. I bring it home, warm them up in the toaster oven, make a pot of fresh quinoa, chop some tomatoes, heat some water for dandelion root tea, and try to make sense of it all, clicking away behind a screen.
My attempts at making French macaroons today was a result of trying to make a sexy dessert. Macaroons are as about un-sexy you can get. Its more of maybe Angeline Jolie in capri pajamas with fuzzy slippers on. I think it’s the Valhrona in it that gives it the x-factor potential.
The taste and texture of a Parisian macaroon is more akin to the edges of your favorite brownie. My version turned out pretty flat, not having the vertical strength I’d like it to have, nor the characteristic lip.
I used the recipe from Pierre Hermes’ Chocolate Desserts. I love the descriptions and the story that heads up each recipe. I do not like the way that the recipes are broken down. Each step is cumbersome and even though I read each step before starting the recipe, the words are lost on me. I highlight what he wants me to do and skim through the rest. Maybe that is why my macaroons turned flat like a 13-year old in a training bra.
Nonetheless, I enjoyed making these and next time, I’ll try and pile the batter higher up with my # 806 tip and whip the egg whites a bit longer.
Oh yes, with the extra egg yolks, I made chocolate lemon madelines. Can’t let yolks go to waste…
Extra reading:
DAY ONE
TASTE3
Today was an amazing day that started off with traveling to Napa early morning to meet up at the Copia Center near Downtown Napa. 
After checking in for Taste3, ran into Garrett and Rachel, two other fellow fellowship recipients. Swapped business cards while waiting for the shuttle bus to take us to the CIA. Upon arrival, we were split into two different groups. We started our Fascination with Fermentation tour at the Center for Taste where Chef Bill Brill discussed and demonstrated dishes that illustrated fermentation at its best. Had kasu marinated sea bass with miso vinigarette and miso marinated broiled saikyo, Indian idlis with coconut chutney, and a Vietnamese spring roll where we made our own dipping sauce, and tasted kimchi. The director of beverage purchasing paired each dish we sampled with a tasty beverage, starting off with chilled sake, to a Moet and sparkling Chardonnay made fizzy with a seltzer maker, and finally a ginger beer/basil/mint sake cocktail.
Afterward, we were taken into the demonstration kitchen on campus where Peter Reinhart, master baker and author of Whole Grain Breads, talked to us about how bread is basically solid beer. He was very enthusiastic! We sampled his delicious whole wheat levain, lox with creme fraiche and caviar on rye toast, buttermilk pancakes and sour cream pancakes. Said his favorite bread is from Acme Bread, talked about Guisto flour, which I learned is widely available in bulk in Berkeley Bowl.
We finished off the afternoon with a delicious meal together with the Sommelier Summit participants. Talked to Rachel about food and community, what she wants to do and what I want to do in social enterprise and food.
Afterward, I went to check into my hotel room at Gaia, the only green LEED certified hotel of its kind. Overheard the words secret police and 16 rooms on the patio. Bush is visiting Napa for a fundraiser, no? Took out my contents of the swag bag and was amazed at the offerings to little old me.
After trying to get a nap in, I went back to Copia where I met a few food scientists for the welcome reception. Had an elderflower POM tea drink and a soda that was created because a lady was pregnant and wanted something to pair with food. Had amazing cheese served. Walked around the garden and went with Laura to Ubuntu, a vegetarian restaurant/yoga studio. She shared that she went back to her hotel to start her blog and share with her friends. We reminisced about grade school, wearing yucky glasses, about what it did to our self-esteem, and talked about family. We ordered lavender sugar Marcona almonds, a nectarine red quinoa salad, strawberry margarita pizza and house water. Deliciouso!! On the menu, they had a lemon verbena cheesecake in a jar I would have loved to try but I am pacing myself here. On the way out, noticed that Lisa Schiffman from Tuttifoodie.com was sitting a table away from us. She really encouraged me to continue with this blog. Came back to hotel and started to reflect, sans secret service and the big black Escalades.
This day further solidifies how I feel about community and food. I am extremely grateful and blessed to have this opportunity to receive this fellowship. People are so open and willing to share knowledge. I want us to engage in each other’s stories!! Anticipating tomorrow and I will drift to sleep a very excited girl!!
(pics coming soon!)
dear blog,
i’m sorry you are currently malnourished.
let me feed you a tidbit: http://stuffedandstarved.org/drupal/frontpage
love,
lizL
i’ve got the spring blues.
been stuck in a bit of a really bad rut right now, battling bouts of doubt, needing to attach myself to some inspiration…
and tonight, a friend sent me an email about a book her friend suggested called “staying healthy with the seasons”, i was re-vived:
“The beginning of spring is March 20, the time of the spring equinox, when day equals night. For the next six months daylight, the sun and yang principle, will be dominating our lives. You may now feel a new spark and power, and be filled with inspiration and energy to act upon your ideas. This is a good time to take a look at your life and make a new plan. What do you want to clear out as the past in your environment and within yourself–and what do you wish to see happen this year? This can be a new start. Take a little time to write a new health/life plan, including goals for how you wish to feel and what you would like to do and see happen. Let those dreams blossom. Spring is the greening season. It is the time for planting. After the rain and snow of winter, the seeds begin to sprout from the depths of the soil, trees bud, and nature awakens in her green, flowering beauty. New growth in our lives, relationships, and work is stimulated now as well. We and nature will flourish this season.”
just what i needed in this exact moment.
and i have just the project to rejuvenate my soul…
[stay tuned]
With the booming headlines about the recent beef recall and this past weekend’s eating debauchery, my stomach recoiled this week and I reached out to the greener side.
On my quest towards colon cleansing, my roomate suggested Manzanita in Emeryville, a vegan macrobiotic restaurant. For $10.25, you get a hefty serving of an organic melange of pretty tasty stuff. The menu changes each day and includes a soup, short grain brown rice and salad. The dinner also includes twig tea or water. Last night, the memorable element was steamed broccoli with almond-garlic sauce. My friend and I were about to try some of the vegan baked goodies but opted to try and see if Cafe Cacao was open (it was not).
After a 3-mile run tonight, my body was craving a bit more protein so I made garlic tilapia with zucchini, medium grain brown rice and chilled sauteed red chard. One of my most memorable meals was a dinner shared with my family about 10 years ago as we were on vacation in Baja California. I ordered tilapia that was simply sauteed with garlic and oil. Here’s my rendition:
Garlic Tilapia with Zucchini
3 fillets of tilapia
1/2 head of garlic, minced
1/4 c extra virgin olive oil
2 zucchini, cut into 1/4 in slices
salt and pepper to taste
1. Create a paste by mixing olive oil and garlic.
2. Rub paste onto fillets.
3. Lay zucchini onto pan. Place fillets atop zucchini.
4. Bake at 425 degrees for 15-20 minutes.
Continuing my quest to eat good, feel good, do good.
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